Part 5

GLORIA

“No one can understand totally the pain of another. We can meet at waysides of commonality and share our experiences and progress, and although there is healing in the act of sharing, we still feel alone in our sadness. What touches us in a positive is when we feel understood.”

Gloria Lintermans lost her husband, Rick, over a period of two years to scheroderma. Amongst many fears, she would ask herself, “When will the pain lessen? When will I have a life again? What will my life look like?”

“We are not schooled in loss or prepared for it in life, so when we experience it, it can feel devastating.”

Gloria joined a bereavement group near her home in Woodland Hills, California. No subject was off limits, and there was such commonality. The group was divided up in months so that the newly bereaved would be in a group with other newly bereaved.

Widowed for about 18 months, she met Hal the night she attended her last bereavement support group meeting. She was instantly attracted to his energy. They had a lot in common, professionally and emotionally. She gave him her card but didn’t know if or when he would call. He called six months later.

She tried not to compare Hal to her late husband. She told herself she had room in her heart for both. But as she was trying to open up to Hal, Hal seemed to be experiencing some difficulties. Finally, she realized what was going on.

“You’re trying to make me into your late wife,” she told him. And they broke it off.

It seemed to hold so much promise, but it wouldn’t work if Hal was living too much in the past.

But after some time they got together again. They were moving toward an intimate relationship and there were questions that came to Gloria’s mind as she began to enjoy and trust Hal.

“Would I rather be an emotionally pampered widow, or a vulnerable widow, or a vulnerable newcomer to love? There is a status in being the brave, resourceful widow who looked pain and loss in the eye and said: ‘I can make it on my own.’”

Hal had been married to his wife for 53 years, and they met at 14. Gloria had been married twice and single in between, but Hal’s recovery was different. He had only known one woman all his life.

Now, though, Hal and Gloria have a fulfilling and loving relationship which they are both content to take day by day.

“The Healing Power of Grief”
“The Healing Power of Love”
www.glorialintermans.com